Friday, April 6, 2012

Parental Empathy

Galatians 6:1-2 NIV
Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

DISCIPLINE WITH EMPATHY
Empathy is harder for some of us than for others. Learning to be more empathetic with our children may require taking some time to remember what it was like when we were their age. Walking in their little shoes can help us understand why they do what they do. Sometimes we forget we were children once, too.

Interestingly we may find the things we struggled with at their age cause us the most anxiety in parenting. We may be frustrated when the same issues reappear in our children. This remembrance can have two outcomes — we can anxiously step in to fix the problem, which usually results in an overblown response that makes the situation worse. Or we can remember our experiences and use them to relate to our kids. God may be using your child's struggles to sanctify both of you.

When your child's struggle causes you extraordinary anxiety, be alert — God may be teaching both of you.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Counselor Parent

Ephesians 4:15 NIV
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

EMPATHY "Our love grows soft if it is not strengthened by truth, and our truth grows hard if it is not softened by love." -- John Stott. The essence of empathy is balancing truth and love. A rescuing parent leans heavily on love, but shies away from truth. A dictating parent leans heavily on truth, but mixes in little love. A counselor parent is able to express his love for the child no matter what they say or do, yet is strong enough to deliver appropriate consequences and to allow his child to struggle so that real learning takes place. It is a difficult balance, and our anxiety or anger often reveals where we fall on the continuum between rescuer and dictator. Is your love too soft, or your truth too hard? Striking a balance between truth and love models our heavenly Father's relationship with us.